Waiting For My Life to Change

This morning my three-year old woke-up with the usual, "Good morning mommie! I wanna hold you." As I'm sitting there on the couch cuddling with her, smelling her hair, and whispering how much I love her, the thought hit me, "I have to get up and get going. There's a lot to do today." I wasn't even allowing myself to drink in the joy of the moment before I was off to the next thing in my mind.

So, I started pondering how much of my life I've spent waiting. There's traffic lights, stop signs, grocery check-outs, waiting in line to get into the movies or a concert, waiting for people who were late, waiting for the next day off, you know, the normal kinds of waiting.

I don't feel like I've wasted a lot of time waiting for the normal things. BUT, then I realize I've spent a lot of time waiting for the things I want - waiting for my life to change somehow. I couldn't wait until I went to school. Then I couldn't wait until summer break. I just couldn't wait until high school and then I was counting the hours until graduation.

College was going to be spectacular and then working in the real world was the ticket. Then I waited to get married and then I almost couldn't take waiting until that first child, then the second, then the house, then the newer car. Then I couldn't wait until the new job or the new project. I couldn't wait until the credit cards were paid off or until the school loan was done.

Seems like I've spent so much time looking ahead, I forget to look at what I have today. For me, today is often just a necessary evil to get to where I want to be tomorrow. The moment I am where I want to be, I look ahead for the next place I want to go. I realize I rarely enjoy being in the moment for very long before I am off to the next thing.

Some of this is because I have an adventurer spirit. I LOVE to set out for new and exciting things. I adore thinking about exploring unchartered areas of life and am rarely content to be complacent. The unhealthy part of not living in the day is my need to controll my destiny. I often tell God what I want, when, how, and why, and then set about doing it my way. A friend of mine called it, "micro-managing God."

Right now, I'm in a forced season of waiting. I say forced because God is not allowing me anything to relieve my waiting. I know it's Him and I know why. He is teaching me patience. Urgh! For an adventurer at heart, sitting around waiting for the next adventure is torture.

However, it's the perfect antidote for a woman who is used to doing it her way, on her terms, and in her timing. God is changing me as He promised. He is stripping those things which would hinder my race, retard my growth, or block my vision. He is allowing me the time needed in order to learn contentment and trust.

The freedom of being content regardless of my circumstances is invaluable. The joy of trusting the Lord with my very life is priceless. The art of waiting on the Lord - beyond description...

"For since the world began,
no ear has heard,
and no eye has seen a God like you,
who works for those who wait for him!" Isaiah 64:4 NLT