Absolutely Ruined

I haven't written for awhile as I've been doing heads down, keep your nose to the grind stone writing. Tonight, I felt drawn to writing something a little lighter. Maybe "lighter" isn't a good word choice here, maybe it's just more free-form and personal than what I've been writing. I needed a moment tonight to just let my hair down and write what's on my heart.

I recently read a quote from Matt Chandler's (the lead pastor of The Village Church in Dallas) blog and it keeps reverberating around in my mind - resonating within my heart - almost haunting me. He says (I added the emphasis):

"He grabbed hold of every part of me and has absolutely ruined me for anything but Him. The process of sanctification has been and still is quite often a very difficult one. No one told me (or maybe they did) that Jesus wanted my heart. I thought there was going to be some behavior modification and some new friends but I didn’t understand how He was going to search and destroy in me anything that wasn’t of Him. Nor did I understand how dark my heart truly was and how out of fear, pride and arrogance I would argue, complain and resist almost every advance of the Holy Spirit to reconcile every part of my being into holiness."

If I had to summarize the emotions I feel in my passionate pursuit of Jesus Christ - this pretty much nails it. He has ruined me for everything else but Him. Nothing brings me the same "high" as it once did. He keeps destroying those parts of me which don't reflect His image.

Two things strike me funny about this:

ONE - I told Him He could do this to me. Yes! I gave Him permission to seek and annihilate all that isn't of Him. I consistent tell Him He owns me - I am His slave - all that I am and all that I'm not is His to do with as He pleases. I surrender and relinquish my control over my life as well as the many, many expectations I have about what my life should be and shouldn't be on a daily basis. I ASKED for it!

TWO - I wouldn't change it for anything. Nothing is compares to what He has given me in return. Nothing. Nadda. Zilch.

One of the many projects I'm working on is an exploration of the "Tipping Point". What does it take a Christ-follower to "tip over" from the mundane, "I go to church on Sundays" kind of faith to a passionate, all-out, onslaught of pursuit kind of faith?

I've come to the conclusion that it takes an evacuation - an emptying. The more we surrender to Jesus our fears, our pride, our expectations, our dreams, our skewed sense of right and wrong, and our own desires - the more space we open up for Him to fill with all those things we really want; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Okay, so that sounded very simplistic, but I think it is really that simple. However, living it out is what is so difficult. I have literally argued, complained, and resisted this process at almost every stage. In fact, I'd add moaned, whined, bargained, and pouted to the list as well. I have not done this journey gracefully, that is for sure, but I have done it and still am willfully allowing God to empty me of my life so He can replace it with my true life.

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:29

I'm so glad it doesn't take my perfection because I'm not even in the same ballpark. I'm convinced this journey toward God simply takes my passion and persistence and HIS perfection. That is the recipe to be absolutely ruined for anything but Jesus.