What a Good Party!

I write this with hesitation. I like being transparent because it's better than putting up false pretenses. I'm open about my frailties because I think it helps people know they aren't alone. Yet, when it comes to thinking about revealing the really ugly stuff, I break out into a cold sweat. "What will they think of me?" "Will they judge me and turn away? Or will they use it against me?" There is a great freedom which comes from living a transparent life and there is also enormous risk.

Being a risk-taker, I choose to go out on the limb. For me, for you, and for God. Call me foolish and it will hurt. Call me a hypocrite and I'll tell you're right. Judge me as a weak Christian and I will sing, "When I am weak, He is strong." But, I ask you not to throw a stone as I share with you openly about what's been happening in me the last couple of weeks.

I've been throwing something lately - a really good pity party. I mean one of those that lasts for days and days, keeps you awake at night, and close to tears all day. This party has been so good, I let it consume almost all my thoughts. OOOHHHH - it was a good'n!

There's no need to share the explicit details of why I was throwing such a shindig because those don't really matter. Every pity party comes down to one thing - I don't feel like life is being fair to me. I feel like I deserved more. I was feeling sorry for myself because I'm not getting what I think I need, want, or deserve from life. Poor, pity me.

I rolled the unfairness around in my mind and heart for two weeks. I ran through all the scenarios I could think of to fix my situation. Sometimes I even had peace, but soon it was eaten away by my doubt once again. I wrestled with God, whined, bargained, and cried out for mercy. I even pouted a time or two - which really did a lot of good.

I yelled at my kids, pulled away from my friends, considered doing things I know I shouldn't, and wasted a lot of time. Nothing good ever comes from a pity party, ever. In fact, I think I've even written that in a book or a devotional before. But when it came down to it, my humanness won out and there I was twirling my noise maker, tossing the confetti, and having a miserable time.

In essence, I was telling God, "You don't know what you're doing. Your promises are not true. You do NOT supply all my needs. And, by the way, I don't trust you." Yeah, not a pretty picture.

We think if we do all the right things, then God owes us a comfortable life. If we do all the things we're expected to do, and behave in the appropriate Christian manner, that somehow that earns us the right to live on easy street. And when things don't always go peachy keen, we think God has goofed somehow. Or worse, we might think that He is punishing us because we weren't good enough. Either line of thinking is a huge religious trap.

We belong to a faith which has the picture of the cross infused at the center. We are saved by grace, through faith of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. As a Christ-follower, how can we possibly see suffering as something outside of God's will?

Why would we think God never uses suffering to further His plan in and through our lives? Isn't everything we experience filtered through His hands? Doesn't He know every moment of our lives (Psalm 139), our comings and goings? Doesn't He precede us, follow us, and hem us in on all sides? Didn't God bring about the greatest good through the suffering of Jesus? Why do we think that He won't or can't do the same within our lives?

I'm not saying that everyone has to suffer all the time otherwise they aren't good Christians. That's another line of religiosity which is REALLY, REALLY messed up. However, I am saying we shouldn't go to the other extreme of the prosperity gospel which says if you just have enough faith God will make you healthy, wealthy, and happy all the time. As if God is a genie waiting for us to do our little faith rub and He will grant us three wishes.

The truth is, very real, strong, and wonderful Christ-followers experience pain, betrayal, suffering, and disappointments. It is not a commentary on how well they follow Christ. It's not necessarily because they aren't doing all they can. It simply could be because our loving Father has something incredible that He wants to accomplish THROUGH OUR HOPE AND FAITH.

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1 NLT

When I go to the pity party, I miss out on the blessing of hope, confidence, and assurance which comes from BELIEVING that God is on the job and He knows what He is doing! All my party favors are so insignificant when placed up against the POWER of knowing God's assurance.

I really hope the next time I'm tempted to play the poor, pity me party tape in my head, that God takes away my noise maker!

Air and Water

I've been counting a lot lately. I've been counting calories, fat, and sugar grams. I've also been counting money spent. You see, I would like to lose 10-15 pounds and also get into the habit of a stricter budget.

Both things are part of the "get Teri back into healthy habits" program. I've found that since I got pregnant for my now three year old daughter, I've fallen into some bad habits. I'm starting to see the consequences seep into my life in the way of a pudgier middle, lower energy, and less money at the end of the month.

I was eating lunch and reading labels so I could keep track of what I ate. I happened to look at my water bottle and saw a bunch of zeros staring back at me. There are absolutely no measurable caloric benefits from water. I pondered that for a moment. No nutritional benefits, yet we can't live without it. In fact, we die very quickly without water. Our bodies can't live without fresh water for more than three days.

Just then I thought about air. It really has no tangible substance to it. Without special tools, you can't even measure it's mass. It surrounds us yet we don't even feel it. It brings life into our lungs and oxygen to our blood, yet we take it for granted. Our lungs take the good stuff in and expel the bad stuff without our conscious thought.

Air and water are crucial to our physical bodies just like the Holy Spirit and prayer are to our spiritual life. Before we accept Christ our spirit's are dead. The confession of our sin and our belief in Christ open the door to allow the Holy Spirit in. He comes and breathes life into our spirit. He unites and becomes one with us - forever inseparable. Our interaction with Him is very much subconscious like breathing. He brings life to our spirits just like air brings life to our blood. Do you ever take in a deep, long breath and savor it as you feel it's healing power?

Prayer is as important to our spiritual life as water is to our bodies. We can last awhile without it, but we become dehydrated, weak, disoriented, and parched. We were meant to be in constant dialog with our Heavenly Father. The Holy Spirit is in prayer on our behalf for us even when we don't know it. (Romans 8:26-27) God longs for us to open our hearts in prayer to Him. He loves to hear and talk with His children. (Psalm 116:2)

Canned prayers we say in the morning, or at meal time, or before bed are like stale water to Him. Meaningless unless our hearts are in them. They are like the pre-recorded messages, "To make a payment, press one. To hear your account balance, press two..." Sometimes, we need to press zero and speak to a real person just to speak to a real person. THAT is what God desires in our prayers - to speak with a REAL person.

Without the air of the Holy Spirit and the water of prayers, our spiritual life is dead. Are you taking deep breaths of God? Are you becoming more and more aware of the Holy Spirit which dwells within you? Does the air in your spirit smell fresh like a spring day or like a dank, moldy basement?

Are you drinking in the sweetness of meaningful prayer with Your Father or are you dehydrated and parched. It just takes a little bit of effort to exercise those muscles which may be a just a little flabby. Take a deep, full breath and pour yourself a huge glass ice water.

Tea Cup in the Monsoon

Lately I've been getting what I call "God sized downloads". Images, feelings, impressions, and leadings of what I believe are from the Holy Spirit. Thoughts will pop into my brain which I cannot claim to be my own. Just as I'm trying to get my mind around it, another one is there to take it's place, and another, and another, and another. Pretty soon, my heart goes into RHM (see Rapid Heart Movement post) and I begin to hyperventilate.

Today, I experienced another download. It was much stronger than all the others. If you have a technical background you'll understand when I say, it's like going from dial-up speed to full T-1 access. If you don't have technical background, it was like going from a pleasant, summer day sprinkle, to an all-out torrential monsoon.

I tried very hard to take it all in until I realized there was no conceivable way I could. I felt like I was standing in the hurricane with a teacup. I started experiencing RHM and RMM until I felt as if I would explode. I cried out to God, "PLEASE don't let me forget this." Even in my desperation I felt the still, small voice speak whisper, "I won't let you."

Instantly, despite the whirlwind that was going on within me, I felt completely and utterly at peace. I AM a teacup when faced with God's monsoon. I have limitations, He doesn't. I have many weaknesses, He has none. I can't possibly catch all of Him, you see, because I am only a teacup. My job is to allow Him fill the teacup and drink in every last molecule of goodness even with the typhoon of God's abundance is raging around me. I find the frustration transforms into joy when I focus on what He's given me and just let the rest of the rain fall.

THAT my friends is restless peace. I embrace the joy, peace, and abundance of a ferociously loving, mighty, awe-inspiring God. I know there is so much more to this limitless God I serve and I am restless to experience more and more of His downpour. Yet, I am finally at peace that I will receive Him one teacup at a time. The more I drink Him in, the more times my cup can be refilled.

Where My Heart Is

I watched Michael Phelps win his seventh gold medal last night. I hadn't seen any of the Olympics yet, but happened to turn there just as they were starting the event. It didn't take a swim coach to see that he won that race with heart muscles-by the sheer will to win. His heart was the only thing which separated him from his second place opponent.

Which brought a thought to mind, "God isn't interested in our performance - He wants our hearts." I don't think God looks at our achievements or our good works so much as He wants to know the motivation behind our performance.

This week, I was faced with a fairly major decision. Not life threatening, not gut wrenching, just a fairly important decision. I weighed all the facts. I sought godly, wise counsel from those close to me. I prayed and asked for God's leading and direction. I went to the Bible to see if there was a principle which would point me in the right direction. I searched for the peace of knowing God's will. It didn't come.

No matter how desperately I asked, no matter how many times I knocked, there was no answer. I didn't sleep much as I mulled over all the pros and cons. I fasted and prayed, leaving myself open to hearing God. I searched my heart as deeply as I know how - and still I didn't experience the peace which tells me God blesses the decision.

Finally, I came to a decision which gave me a little peace and started to move forward. I prayed, "Lord, if this isn't the right way - PLEASE move me." And then, I got peace. I'm still unsure this is the right path, but I am sure that God will move me if He needs too.

Why? Because He has my heart. My heart is truly devoted to doing His Will. I'm not the wisest, or the smartest, the most capable, or the best at anything - BUT, my heart desperately wants to be in God's will. I honestly can say, I would surrender anything He would ask of me. I'm more convinced this is true than ever after experiencing my frustration at not hearing Him this week.

I felt almost helpless without His direction. I think that's just where I'm supposed to be. Maybe it isn't so much about the decision as about the heart behind the decision?

I'm sure there are times when God has a definite path He wants us to follow, but I'm also convinced there are times when it's more about where your heart is than about which direction to go.

Keep Pressing

Please forgive me if this post rambles too much or doesn't make sense. I've been suffering from a series of migraines lately. I had a bad one yesterday and today it seems like it's just under the surface waiting to explode again.

As I lay in bed pondering the pain, I have to ask the question, "Why?"

I first went the conventional medical route. I've worked with three different chiropractors for over a year each. I've been to three different doctors and tried many different medications. My migraines are much better than they used to be, but I still get them.

In the last few years I've gone to prayer. Very godly people have prayed over me. In fact, I've been prayed over by people who have the spiritual gift of healing. I believed I can be healed. I don't doubt. I've begged to be released - yet, I still experience pain. Again I say, "Why? Why, God?"

I've come to a peace that God has indeed heard every prayer, but for His own righteous reason, has chosen not to answer it - at least not yet. So, I'm laying in bed just pondering all the possible reasons.

Is it because I don't have enough faith? No, I truly don't think that's it. Is it because I'm being punished? I'm sure God doesn't punish His children in such a way. I'm certainly not asking for something that wouldn't be within His Will. So, what then?

I honestly have no idea.

I think of the many of the stories of the Bible which show God using suffering, pain, bitterness, and even our weaknesses and to turn them into something beautiful and powerful. I think of Joseph, Job, Ruth, Lazarus, and Paul. I think of the ones who even suffered death and were brought back to life for God's glory.

I think of the woman who spent everything she had for doctors and suffered greatly from a bleeding disorder, who still pressed through the crowds to touch the hem of Jesus' robe. God could have healed her earlier. She could have given up and just sat back as Jesus passed by. Instead, she was compelled to keep pressing forward.

Jesus suffered the most; beaten beyond recognition, lashed, rejected, humiliated, and killed. Yet, the greatest good which has ever been done was accomplished through His suffering. "By His stripes, we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

I guess I'll keep pressing forward...

Rapid Heart Movement

You've heard of REM, Rapid Eye Movement, right? It happens when people are in the dream cycle. Their eyes to move rapidly back and forth under their eyelids, their blood pressure elevates, and their heart quickens.

I'm experiencing something I call, Rapid Heart Movement, RHM, and it happens when I'm fully awake. I sense God stirring something within me which resonates to my very core. I feel like one of those cartoon characters who steps on the proverbial rake. I'm vibrating like a tuning fork all the way to my toes. For me, RHM is one way I can tell it's of God and not just indigestion, fear, or worse.

Exceptionally intense RHM often makes me resort to RMM, Rapid Mind Movement My mind accelerates like a drag racer to catch up with my emotions. "What's going on?" "What does this mean?" "How is that going to work?" "How is this possible?" My mind sends a barrage of questions rattling around in my brain until at last I cry, "STOP" and inhale deeply to try to slow things up.

After such an episode, I often take a walk or go to a quiet place to reflect on the movement of my heart. It's hard, but I find I must be quiet before the Lord in order to get the full implications of my RHM revealed. My mind simply cannot contain it, nor should it.

I'm afraid that many of us experience RHM and either try to shut it down, brush it aside, blame it on late-night tacos, or never take the quiet time to reflect on what it means.

Next time you feel a case of RHM coming on, let it explode in your heart and then let God reveal what He will. See what happens...

Invitations to the Feast

As I reflect on the verse at the top of this blog (the "Send Me" verse), it came to me that God invites us to participate in His plan. Our job is to accept. I believe God extends TWO invitations to grand events held in our honor.

The first is the invitation to partake of His forgiveness and grace. The event is called, "The Salvation Feast". It's on open invitation to anyone and everyone no matter what they've done or not done in their lives. This bonanza is "come as you are" and there is only one requirement for entry. BELIEF. The event is paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ.

Once we accept the invitation to receive the Salvation extravaganza, we are immediately issued a second invitation to the "Body of Christ" festival. This invitation is extended to all Christ-followers to come and enjoy the fullness of life which comes from growing closer in relationship with Jesus. Jesus presides at the head table and is a more gracious, giving, and loving host than we can imagine.

Again, the invitation states, "come as you are". Jesus doesn't care how far you are in your spiritual journey. He only cares about your answer to one question, "Will you follow me?" Answer "yes" and the doors swing wide open.

This banquet lasts our entire lifetimes on earth. This is where we learn to love God and love others in such a way that the rest of the world sits up and takes notice. At the festival, Jesus reveals critical glimpses of God's plan to each person. He helps us learn to use the gifts God has already bestowed on us. He sharpens our skills, hones our discernment, and fuels our passion to participate in the Father's great plan. He helps us understand how much He loves us and that He can be trusted with our very lives.

All Christ-followers are on the guest-list of the Body of Christ festival. We all already have our invitations to find our true life in Christ. "YES, I will follow You" is all it takes to throw the doors wide open to living out your true, God-given purpose. What answer will you give?